i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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