So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
