I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
