return my video game
What did we do last night that was yellow?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
