I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
