We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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