You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
