Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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