Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
