The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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