does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
