I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
3pm strippers are depressing
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
