the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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