And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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