i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize