Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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