their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
