The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
