My cat gives me a boner
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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