Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
