I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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