you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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