Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
