What a fucking waste of an outfit
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
