i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
