I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
