they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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