while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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