Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
