the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
