I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
