I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
