tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
