Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
