I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
