Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
