So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize