the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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