is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
