Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
