I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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