Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
