happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize