You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
