Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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