the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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