I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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