The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
