Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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