This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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