didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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