i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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