I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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