Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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