the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
