We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
