you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
