im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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