I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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