You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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