I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
