so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
