There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
