Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
