you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
