Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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