youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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