my mouth tastes like poor choices
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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