watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
