Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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