a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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