last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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