my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just found puke in my bra..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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