My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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